A Conversation with Noah, Natalie and David...in the Car, of Course.

N2: Stop that, you're annoying me.

N1: Stop what? I'm not doing anything.

N2: Yes you are! You just moved your drink closer to me and I don't like that!

N1: I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything.

Dad: You know you did something. Your brother has asked you to stop and has told you what he doesn't like about your actions. You need to respect that.

N:1 I didn't do anything.

N:2 Yes you did!

Dad: Look, just ignore her; she's trying to get your goat.

N:2 Goat? I don't even have a goat! How can she be trying to get my goat?

N:1 Goat? That's hilarious! What am I going to do with a goat?

Dad: (shakes his head)

25 Random Things About Me

A blogging friend of mine tagged me for this - so in no particular order here it is...

1. Random thoughts - I'm all about them.

2. Instead of writing this about myself, I asked my friends and family to 'fess up and offer their insight. My brother said I was lazy, hence the reason why I asked others to write it.

3. I was featured in a news story in the Orlando Sentinel when I was 2 years old.

4. After being teased that I had a boy's name (Jamie), I changed the spelling of my name to be just like the Bionic Woman - Jaime Sommers. I was 8 years old.

5. I've have driven across the US four times (not including road trips up and down the east coast) and have lived in over 10 states, including Alaska.

6. I can sing the names of all 50 states in alphabetical order.

7. I od'd on orange flavored baby aspirin when I was 2 years old. No child proof caps back then.

8. I talk way too much and I can never limit my writing to just a few lines.

9. I have an amazing memory for the most obscure details of other people lives.

10. I know the local cop who pulls cars over for speeding. He's cute, and yes, I've been pulled over a few too many times.

11. I'm always late.

12. I've cut dairy and wheat from my diet - most of the time.

13. After one year of making a serious effort to lose weight, I can finally fit into my favorite dress that I haven't been able to wear in over 12 years. I'm so proud of my accomplishment!

14. I love the old standards and melt whenever I listen to them, especially to a live orchestra.

15. After 40 years of curly hair, I'm finally appreciating it. Amazing what a great hair cut, excellent hair products and the Instyler can do to make a difference.

16. I'm really quite shy and HATE being the center of attention.

17. I have really great Parking Karma.

18. My secret fantasy is to sing and dance on Broadway, or be a Radio City Rockette.

19. I'm very attached to music. It evokes deep emotion and memories.

20. My other secret fantasy is wishing that my husband could dance like Fred Astaire and would take me out for ballroom dancing to a live orchestra every chance we could we find.

21. I'm a very passionate person who wants to save the world. I have a million ideas for the many non-profits I want to create and wish I could do each and every one of them.

22. I am not a big ice cream fan however I love Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk, but really, only for the smoosh-ins. Mmmm!

23. I'm a leather snob - I will only buy purses, belts and shoes with real leather.

24. I love to explore off the beaten path.

25. I will be 42 in a few months and I'm loving life.

Send a Smile to Israeli Soldiers

http://www.honestreporting.com/a/smilecampaign.html

A Movie, Smores, and Stargazing

and now finally, bedtime. And speaking of bedtime, this evening, after anxiously waiting for over a month for it to be released, the whole family ventured out and saw Adam Sandler's Bedtime Stories. What a delightful treat. Simply adorable.

One of the scenes have them roasting marshmellows and making smores - which gave me the idea to finally take advantage of our outdoor fire pit upon getting home. The weather wasn't too cold and David was able to get a roaring fire going. We had the marshmellows and graham crackers but no chocolate bars, so I did the next best thing and melted bakers chocolate and had the kids dribble ok pour the chocolate over the marshmellows and soon we all were very happy with our smores.

Boy were they delicious and of course what are smores without chocolate and roasted marshmellows all over the children's faces and hands. I tried to take pictures, but it was a little too dark.

Next we put on Chanukah music, turned off the lights inside and on the porch and sat under our blankets, stargazing.

These moments are what memories are made of.

They Grow Up So Fast

Ever noticed that you only seem old when you look at OTHER friends' children and how they have grown? It's natural to not to noticed your own children's growth, I get that, but I always feel like a ton of bricks just fell down on me, whenever my friends' children age is brought up, or see recent pictures, or just hearing about their life.

Of course it makes sense to know that Sandy's daughter is 14 - duh, she was five years old when my daughter was an infant, afterall Natalie is 9 1/2 years old now, but the shock value is still there. I don't feel like I've have changed all that much, but in these children's life, so much has - their body, their personalities, their experiences and outlook.

Whenever I do look at pictures, or see a friend's child who in a blink of an eye, now has the body of an adult instead of a child, I always make a mental note to stop and really enjoy my children, in the present, before, they too, grow up before my eyes.

I did that the other evening with my daughter, and I was blown away by how tall, how curvy, how beautiful and how awesome she truly is.

Parents Guilt

How many of us are guilty of doing this to our children?




Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live for you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem ...... why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect

Noah's thoughts

Some recent thoughts by Noah -

We are now entering into new territory - what does "Gay" mean? I am assuming this word has been tossed around at school lately and not in a good way. He thought Natalie called him "gay" and he got upset. When I asked him what it meant, he "forgot" but knew it was something gross. I was dishearten by this comment, though I know he really doesn't understand it's meaning and only know of it as an insult - so naturally he would be upset if called that. So, David and I tried to explain what it means. David must have mentioned about couples (2 men) living together, because Noah then asked, "Like the show 2 1/2 men". So we had to be even more clear by what we meant, even when we said, 2 men who love each other. So we said, like the way Mommy and Daddy love/like each other. Then he got bored and ran off to play with his paper airplanes that he is having fun building.

In other news, Noah told us that when he grows up, he wants to be an artist (pause) .... a good one. That was really cool to hear from him.

He also just got his report card and is not only doing 2nd grade math but is in top honors for it (he's only in 1st grade.) His reading is also in the outstanding level. Starting this next marking period, the first graders will now be graded on punctuation, capitalization and spelling. GO MCPS!!!

Quote of the Day

"The food is bad. It's makes people fat, especially children."

Commenting on why you can't have "dinner" at McDonalds. I am writing this as everyone is getting ready to head out for dinner. Noah wanted to know where we are going (he's in a sourpuss mood because he can't continue riding his razor, in the dark, with the older kids in the neighborhood). I told we are going out to dinner and he asked me where - so just to be silly, I said McDonalds. He then went on to tell me that "you can't have dinner at McDonalds." So I said "sure, lots of people eat dinner at Mcdonalds, why do you think you can't?"

That's when he said - "Because it's bad food. It makes you fat, especially children, so we can't eat there."

So there you have it - some more wisdom from a 6 year old.

Guess we will just need to find another place to celebrate our anniversary - family style!

Noah

He's been so funny, adorable and just plain amazing with all his questions and jokes that he makes up. I must remember to write them down because I can't seem to remember what he asked me. Some of them have to do with G-d, such as "where was Hashem born?" and other questions are about bugs, animals and people such as these "why do grown-ups work so much? Why don't they like to play?"

Our Yom Kippur dinner was filled with jokes from the kids with Noah leading them off with jokes that he made up. Now this is one that I remember. It's just so clever. (ok, he's six and I am just a little bit biased)

"Why didn't the egg cross the road?"

answer:
- because he was chicken

: )


Oh man, we have a little comic on our hands!!! I just love it!

Why Doesn't Hashem Shut Off the Electricity?

So, I was just asked by Natalie if I believe in Hashem (G-d). I told her that I do but there are times that I don't.

She then went on to ask why they teach that Hashem will punish you for something, if indeed one doesn't actually get punished, such as using electricity on Shabbat. "Mom you know how you aren't suppose to use electricity on Shabbat, well my friends say that if you do you will get in trouble and Hashem will punish you, but that's not true."

I couldn't answer that but I did try to explain why electricity was not allowed on Shabbat - not it's actual relationship but the reason to question if it's allowed or not.

I explained to Natalie and Noah that whenever something new is invented or is being use, such as electricity, a decision has to be made to see if it's similar to the original laws and how its to be applied. The people who decide that are these very special Rabbis and it is they who decided a long time ago, that electricity is not permitted on Shabbat based on the original laws.

They wanted to know why HaShem wasn't present in those decisions. Why it is left up to the Rabbis?

Noah asked again, "Why do the Rabbis make that decision? Why doesn't Hashem make that decision?" Then Noah said something really clever - "Why doesn't Hashem just shut off the electricity on Shabbat? If you aren't allowed to use it, then why not just shut if off?"

I thought that was a very insightful and excellent question for a six year old. I didn't have an answer to that, but I did tell him that I was really proud of him for asking. That it's a great question.


I posed these questions to some friends in the community and asked what would be the best way of answering Natalie and Noah in an age-appropriate manner.

Though this isn't really in child-speak - it does help to answer their questions ....

"When Hashem gave the torah to the Jews, it was given to us to keep to live by. Unlike Christianity, which is a series of dogmatic laws, which you are not supposed to question, Judaism considers torah a "living torah", a developing element of our lives. We are commanded to study and to question, and to discover the reasoning and make the intuitive leaps that connect the past to the present and the future. The Rabbis that make the decisions that we live our lives by are not "divinely ordained". They are men that have dedicated their lives to the study of torah, and, through their knowledge, can make those connections between the origins of the laws and how to apply them to modern technologies.

I'm amazed that a six year old would ask a question like Noah did - I agree that it's very insightful of him. Here's the reason Hashem doesn't just do it for us: Free will. If Hashem just shut off all the electricity for us, he would be taking away our ability to choose what to do, to make the choice between good and evil. And the whole purpose of our lives is to make that choice between right and wrong. Otherwise, we wouldn't be making the choice to follow what Hashem tells us to do, but being forced into it. So it doesn't really matter what the punishment is, or if we're being punished at all. The point is the ability to make that choice."

The Sweetest Gift

The other day Noah and I spent the afternoon together and as we were sitting down for a little picnic, Noah looked up at me and said ...

"Mom, whenever I am sad, I think of you. I think about the time we spend together, and that always makes me feel happy again."

My heart and eyes just lit up. It was one of the most geniune and sweetest moments I have ever experienced.

How lucky am I to have such a beautiful and thoughtful son.

Voices Carry, My Previous Post

Whew! I am so glad to have finally gotten that off my mind and written down - that and the rest of my previous posts on this presidential race and McCain's vp choice, Sarah Palin. This past year or so, I really haven't been my usual passionate self with regards to the Presidential race, even going back to before the primaries. I guess now that it's rushing upon us, reality is quickly setting in. There is so much tension, worry and uncertainty, especially with our country's current economics situation, its really weighing heavy on everyone's heart and mind.

I never intended for this blog to be use in the way it's been recently - not as a mouthpiece for my passionate political viewpoints. Its creation was for the sole purpose of sharing a glimpse into our lives with pictures and stories. A fun place for friends and family to visit - full of positive energy and uplifting and encouraging tales - some serious but most of them silly and sweet.

If you would like to read something more opinionated and bias, than just me going on and on with how beautiful, talented and wonderful my little loves are, I invite you to take a moment and visit my original blog, A Little Indulgence, (TOE's is our family blog), where I've moved all my recent political viewpoints and satirical posts to, including Voices Carry.

Hope to see you there.

Thanks.

Consequences

As parents, we are always being told that the best way to discipline a child is through consequences and staying consistent, and for positive behavior, give praise and rewards. But face it, behavioral management is tough and challenging no matter how many books we read or how many specialist or experts we follow or listen to, or when in our sane moments how we can rationalize, analyze and/or intellectualize why they do what they do (neurological, didn't get their meds, they are immature, tired, hungry, ___)

They also say - stand behind your threat. Do not threaten your child with a consequence that is unreasonable, unrealistic, or something that you don't plan on following through. We are suppose to think clearly and realistically, always be a few steps ahead of the game. For example, if you and your child is in the store for an hour and all they have are their crayons and paper, don't threatened that if they misbehave you will take away their crayons and paper - why - because now you are stuck with a child with absolutely nothing to do for the rest of that hour and that will perpetuate the boredom and add to more bad behavior. And who loses here - the parent.

We're supposed to not punish them with something that will allow them to continue getting rewards such as "go to your room". What happens if we send them to their room - are they really being punished? No.

We are supposed to give out consequences that we know will really have an impact on them - something that they really cherish and will miss.

For my daughter, I am the prize. I am the reward and the consequence. Nothing else works! NOTHING ELSE WORKS!!!

I am at my wits end because she will continue with the behavior until I get really, really angry. I can calmly but firmly tell her that if her behavior continues she will lose a privilege or a favorite poster, etc. and that does not stop her. I can try to reason with her by pointing out the value of what she is losing compared to her desire to be in control or in the right is not worth it; that she would rather lose something so precious than to actually stop and follow my directions and yet she will acknowledge it and this does not stop her. She will keep at it, pushing the envelop, nagging, having a tantrum, ignoring my requests despite the consequences.

When I do step in and follow through, she gets really upset, begs for me not to do whatever it is that I said I would do, that she will never do it again or she will stop the behavior, anything for me to not follow through. But I do and because she is mad now, she will continue with a new tantrum with slamming doors or doing whatever she thinks will get my attention. So now I go back to her and give her another consequence - and again, the cycle continues but gets worse because now the oppositional behavior is escalating and when I try once more with another consequence its almost a joke to her. Nothing matters - its all about the control.

I am trying very hard to not allow myself to get out of control with my temper when it get to this point but as I mentioned previously, it's the only thing that really works withher. It truly takes me to lose my control for her to finally wake up and stop.

So, I need advice as to what really works - what consequences should I use to have it work, because the whole praise, positive reinforcements and consequence are not? Now mind you, it's different when she is on her medicine. Almost all these negative behaviors she exibits are only there when her hyperactivity is set loose (not to say they are always in the open, they aren't but when they do come out, she's truly unable to manage it or noticed the difference in her personality.)

It makes sense to ask why don't I just continously keep her medicated? It's because I feel bad AND she must learn to manage her behavior, to recognize the differences in her personality and body language, and to take responsibility for her actions. I feel cruel and it's extremely frustrating for me (and I guess for her as well) to purposely let her spiral into this other person. But what are my options? How is she supposed to truly learn and begin to internalize the approprate behaviors when in a hyper state if she is on her meds? Truly, after she takes her medicine, this whole different person comes out - a person who seems to have already internalize these values and recognizes some actions and changes in her behavior/emotions (though not quite everything - still have problems with the owning up to her actions).

What consequences can I give her that REALLY mean anything to her? She's definitely the type to wait until the very last second of a count (1, 2, .....3) before she stops. Again, testing the limits, pushing the envelope, I have memories of her doing this as early as 18 months (oh those terrible 2's and 3's were a nightmare).

So advice? I need some!!!

The Curiosity of a Nine Year Old Girl

Previously, I've mentioned that Natalie's curiousity about sex, babies, and the body has been something that neither David nor I thought we were quite ready for, however, it seems that its time has come. She is afterall, 9 years old. And after three months of not seeing any of her classmates, I was stunned by how much her girlfriends have grown - that it won't be long until their budding development begins to show, as some have already done.

Last night, the night before the first day of school, at midnight, Natalie was still up. She just couldn't fall asleep. After trying desperately to encourage her that she needed to keep trying, she began to ask me - "Mommy, how do you get a baby?"

Now in the past we have talked about babies, sperm, eggs, dna, and even chromosones but in a very dry, scientific way. She knows about the menstrual cycle, at least that adult women get that, and why women have their periods. But now, she wanted to know how you actually get a baby. No way was I going to discuss this subject with her at midnight, the night before the first day of school. But I did ask her to be more clear with what she wanted to know. She said "you know when you have your period, it's the egg, but if you want a baby, do you go back to the hospital or to the doctor and tell them that you want a baby?"

Actually in the world we live today, that's not so far from the truth. In fact you can do that, but I won't intentionally confuse her with a game of bait and switch to avoid answering directly her questions. Yes, its time to fess up. I think I should probably have some books for her to read after our conversation so she can process it in her own way, on her own time.

If that beautiful picture wasn't enough of a clue of her beauty and maturity, this is.

My Beautiful Baby Doll

When I saw this picture, I was struck by just how beautiful Natalie is and how she is growing up so fast.

Teach Your Children Well

Originally written on my other blog, Wednesday, October 19, 2005.

Powerful words. Words that I have been thinking a lot about these past few weeks.

My friends have told me that I am being to hard on myself. That I should just accept myself as I am. That no, I am not that low maintenance personality - calm, patient, maternal.

I would like to take their advice but I can't. I don't think it's fair to my children. I already see the same traits in my daughter as I had when I was her age. I swore to myself that when I had children they would not inherit the same legacy as I did from my mother and her mother and her grandmother. All strong, opinionated women with high expectations, a need to always be in control, and full of insecurities. I lack patience and I am quick with the temper with those I love the most. I never moved passed the id stage in life. No, that's not completely true. I am an affectionate and compassionate person. I am always drawn to the underdog, the sufferer of injustice. I was once asked why that is so. What did I hope to accomplish or was I even aware of it? It really caught me off guard but it was also very thought provoking.

I swore to myself that my children would not be like me, my sister, my nieces, my aunts. I come from a family who yells too much. A friend of mine told me that is a prerequisite of being a Jewish mother, that and the guilt. I do feel guilty, because despite my attempts to prevent this from being passed down to the next generation, I have failed. I love my children, but many times, I don't like being a mother. A favorite aunt would be better. I could spoil them, give them lots of attention with plenty of patience, coddle and dote on them and always have nice things to say to them. That would be ideal. But that's a rescue fantasy.

My daughter is a mini-me. Truth be known, it's rather scary how much we have in common. Yes, much of it is environmental (my taste in music, for instance), but a lot of it is just innate. I don't want her going doing down the same path as I did. At times it was very painful and lonely. Times have changed. Catch phrases have changed too. When I was young, noone knew about ADHD or Sensory Integration disabilities. My husband swears that I have ADD. I don't see it, but I do believe I probably had the later... Sensory Integration.

At 35, my husband realized he had ADD. He would sit in meetings at his school, with parents, educators, counselors and discuss a particular child's behavior. Whenever it was brought up that the child most likely had ADHD because of a list of symptoms and behavioral patterns, something always clicked with him. The way the child was described...lazy, very smart but not focused, can't sit still, starts a project but never finishes and so on. That was him to the T.

And that's our daughter too, but she is an experimental learner and that scares the hell out of us. She too, is smart, strong willed , impulsive, and bossy. Despite the consequences, she would rather get her way than relinquish any control. She loves the dance, the drama. She's my drama queen. But she is also very affectionate, compassionate, a nurturer when it really counts, and a seeker of justice.

Just like me.

Dig for a Day in Beit Guvrin

As mentioned below this is an archeological site from the Hasmonean Dynasty. The first cave we were in was to dig for anything that could be catalogued and help tell a story, it included pottery, animal bones (from food they would have disposed of), animal carvings, coins, etc. We divided our dig into two categories - buckets with piles of dirt and rocks and buckets full of our discoveries. Noah and Gili kept finding over and over all the good stuff, including part of a jaw with the teeth still attached (EWW!). I just kept finding rocks. Natalie also found some great stuff, as well as David and Ariel. When leaving the cave we were asked to bring up all of our buckets of rocks and dirt so we could sift through them. That's when I found, what I hope is authentic (and not dirt or a weird shape rock) an animal carving. Who knows, the next time you are in a museum and see a display of animal carvings from this period - it might be what I discovered. : )

After we left that cave, we then explored an untouch cave. That took some getting use too, but it was really awesome. As you can see above, the folks who lived in this cave raised pigeons. That's what all those holes in the walls are - cool huh? There were some very tight spaces, including one that reminded me of what a birthing canal might be like. We all got very dirty and had to crawl around alot in the semi-darkness, but it was very cool and a whole lot of fun. The kids all agreed that this was on the top of their list of favorites. Can't wait to return and do it all again.

Btw, that adorable picture of the couple there is our cousins Sarah and Menechem, with whom we owe a tremendous amount thanks for allowing us to stay with them, in their beautiful apartment in Jerusalem.

A Noahism

Whenever one of our children would make a comment or ask a question that was just too fantastic to not pass on or to write down, we would call them a Natalism or Noahism.

Today, it was Noah's turn.

We were walking back to our car this morning and he heard someone beeping a car horn. He asked me, "Momma, why are they beeping their horn." I told him that I didn't know and figured that was the end of it. In all seriousness he then said to me, "hmm, maybe they are Israelie." OMG, I just about died with laughter.

As you know we just returned from a three week trip to Israel. This was a first for my husband and children and it's been 20 years since I was last there. All three of them definitely picked up on many of the Israelie customs, gestures and behaviors that are so common there. My husband and I always love to see the world through our children's eyes and ears. Oh, how I really wished that I could have called and shared it with my husband (who is England ) for he would also have been rolling on the floor laughing because it is sooo true!

So Tired

I am writing this from home. The kids and I arrived late last night (David is spending 2 weeks more in England) and if it wasn't for the long flight, I would hop on a plane and return back to Israel.

We had such a great time and it's so awesome to see all the advancements and prosperity that Israel and Israelies have gained since I last visited there 20 years ago. I know it seems funny to think that a country would just remain frozen in time but I really was surprised by how much it has changed. It also might be that I am no longer a teenager living there, so my experiences and how I see the world is much different now than then.

We were really lucky to find a family to swap cars with us, so we had a minivan to use and we had wonderful people to stay with. We didn't get to see everything that we wanted (such as some great museums up North and Tel Aviv, as well as Masada, the Western Wall tunnel tours, and some other archeology sites) but what we did do was often off the beaten path and so much fun.

The kids especially love the "Dig for a Day" in which we (our family and the Bogners) spent time digging in an underground cave for remnants from the Hasmonean dynasty time period (I found an animal carving which was really cool), then we climb down and through some caves that have not been excavated, and then it was topped off by visiting a fully excavated site which had been a major place for olive pressing.

Other places that we visited which the kids also enjoyed was the Latrun Tank Museum, Jerusalem's Old City Ramparts (you are walking on top of the outer walls that surround the Old City) and the The Bullet Factory whose code name was the Ayalon Insitute, a military factory during the British Mandate, that disguised itself by operating as a Kibbutz near the town of Rechovot. Only a small group of pioneers were involved with the covert operation - everyone else who lived and work on the Kibbutz (called Giraffes) thought it was a legitimate commune. David had already left the country when we visited the most spectacular Stalactite Avshalom Cave , in Bet Shemesh as well as one of the most beautiful beaches that I've have ever visited (excluding Hawaii) - Nitzanim Beach, located on the Ashdod Dunes Preserves.

I truly can't wait to return with the family to our home away from home.

Here are few pictures ...

David showing off his backgammon skills with our new Druze friends


Vogue, Vogue, Vogue in Bet Shean




Noah and I, Nachal Snir, Golan Heights David and the kids, Netanya

Warren Shaft on our way down to Hezekiah's Tunnel in the City of David



Our Ein Gedi/Dead Sea excusion

Rosh HaNikra Grottos